Support CreatorsAlligator Alcatraz
Tue, Jul 1, 2025 • 8:39 PM
President Trump offered some wildly helpful escape advice Tuesday to anyone trying to flee his new Everglades detention center, fondly dubbed “Alligator Alcatraz”: “Don’t run in a straight line—zigzag!” Because when you’re evading deportation and a 500-pound reptile, style points matter.
Flanked by Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis and Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, Trump toured the swamp-chic facility, equipped with chain-link charm and miles of man-eating moat. He beamed as he described the venue as “not a place I want to go hiking,” proving once again that cruelty has a permanent home at Mar-a-Lago.
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